2003-01-31 ~ 10:09 p.m.

The Past And The Present

Life's funny. No, seriously. Life's funny. It's just a big pile of haha.

I had a high school sweetheart as most people in high school did. We were ont of "those" couples too. You hardly saw one of us without the other one, and if the one wasn't there, the other one knew the precise location.

We broke up shortly after I graduated. It was silly but serious. Neither of us actually expected us to stay broken up, as we were ALWAYS breaking up, but we never did. He kept seeing the girl that we broke up because of, I dated another guy. Life went on.

I continued to have feelings for him. That never really changed. He would always call me when his life was in severe disarray, and I would always be there for him. He would call, and I would come. His girlfriend/wife never liked me. The girlfriend didn't like me because I was THE ex, his wife didn't like me because I am female. But, he always called when they were in a fight, and I always answered. I never considered it a duty, but it's just what I did. I had feelings for him that were so deep that communication with him was important and made me happy, and I believe him to feel the same way since I'm the person that he calls.

This never quite worked in reverse. When I needed someone, I called my best friend, Pat. (Roommate, Rally Edition, we're not "together".) I hardly ever knew where he was, but I was always able to be reached. I think I always made sure of that because I always knew that he would call. I never knew/know when, but I know that he will.

He was the bar that everyone was compared to. And, when he and I were together, he was very good. He was very attentive, he made me very happy. He did make it a fairly high standard. I can't think of one person that I wouldn't have left if he would have come back into my life and asked me back. I would have happily gone. I would have easily gone. I wouldn't have thought anything about it. I would have been sure that I would have made a correct decision. It would easily have been the decision that would have made me happy.

Until now. The bar has been raised.

Now, I can't imagine being happier. I'm with someone who's not only attentive, but also wants me to be a better person. Someone who is able to demonstrate how to be a better person without being perfect. Someone that I don't need to impress but that I want to impress. Someone who doesn't need me but wants me and I him.

So, it's funny that I should get a call from the long lost boyfriend, I go and meet him and he be newly divorced and moved back here.

In fact, damn funny. I've spent nearly 8 years pining for him, and the VERY moment that I stop, he's back.

I will admit, though, I feel like a GOD. When I see this in bad A&E movies, the woman is usually going crazy and can't decide what to do, torn between two loves, all that mess, but my decision is so easy.

I HAVE OUTSMARTED HOLLYWOOD!!!!

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