2005-05-07 ~ 12:54 p.m.

Jim's So Nice I Tried It Twice

Ok... so ya'll remember the e-mails I wrote to Jim Gaffigan? (If not, click "older" and go to the "JimGaffigan Dot Com" one and read it, then come back.... go! I'll wait...

(da da..dee....humm...do dooop.. wop..oh good, you're back..)

Funny, yes?

So, here's the rest of that story...

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Fizgig
thanks for the emails. I'm flattered you would wnat to open for me, however i'm not looking for anyone right now. Good luck

Thanks

JIm
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Isn't that some shit? I won't even START on how he didn't put the parenthesis around "FizGig.", he didn't capitalize the first "g" AND he didn't put the period before the last parenthesis....oh.. I guess I did start on it...

AND ALSO!!! he didn't even BOTHER with spell check! He's flattered that I wuh-nat to open for him? Well he's wuh-RONG.

But, suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure he can capitalize the "I" in HIS name...

Pfffff... stupid jerk. He'll be sorry, you'll see.

But, I did have to jab him again...

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Is it because I'm black? It's ok if it is, I just think I have the right to know.

-FizGig.
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Heh... he hasn't answered that. I did get put on his mailing list, and he sent an e-mail on May 1 saying how it's his daughter's first birthday. And, why, yes, May 2 IS my birthday...

So, I sent this back...

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Happy birthday to your daughter! For her birthday, I'm going to officially
change my birthday to May 2... OH!!!! LUCKY DAY!!! My birthday is already
May 2!!! (Oddly enough, that's the truth...5/2/76.) If her name is "FizGig." also, then you're going to have give up your resistance and let me open
for you...(To true Taurus form, I'm stubborn.)

Also, the more likely you are to get your new album on iTunes, the more
likely I am to buy it...unless the CD/DVD comes with an autographed picture
of you.... in a hot embrace with Halle Berry...in fact, you could just send
a picture of Halle Berry...for my husband...

Right... in conclusion, Happy Birthday, young Gaffigan!!
-FzG.

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Yep.. don't really know where I was going with that... the Halle Barry thing is because he talks about her in his act. I think I want to see how far I have to go to get him to send me an e-mail saying, "STOP....please, stop." I wonder if he's blocked my e-mail address altogether? Do you think it's because I'm black? I mean, it's ok if you do, but I think I have the right to know...

But, yeah...he'll see....

I also sent a letter to Mr. Gaffigan's agent letting him know that he should "book for two"... but the e-mail really isn't that special...

Anyway, no longer a victim to my fear of rejection, I pushed the cursor along again. I couldn't actually find Robin Williams' e-mail address (if you can, let me know... I may be able to hook you up with some butterscotch candies), so I went with the next best thing... The self-proclaimed Funniest Man In America, Mr. James Gregory...and he *is* funny too. He's a down home boy who finds things funny.

So, here those are...

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Dear Mr. Gregory,

I am a small town girl stuck in a very large town. It's not that I want to get back in touch with my small town roots, I'm actually writing you to ask if you would ever need an opening act.

I do great work, and I don't take up too much room. Some people even tell me that I am a "very silly girl." I sure do have them fooled, I'm 29!!! (well, almost, my birthday is May 2.)

I don't think I could travel to where you are, as I have to work my actual job. I get paid real good money, so I hope you can understand that I can't fly out right away if you decide you need the funniest 29 year old in America to accompany you onstage.

I'm scheduled to have wednesdays and thursdays off, but since the casino I"m working at is opening its doors on wednesday, we're expecting it to be VERY busy for a very long time, so you'll just have to give me some advanced notice, and I'll see if I can get the time off.

You really don't have to pay me that much...... if it's my day off. If it's a day that I work, then I'll have to get paid at least $1500 for the night. If I'm going to lose my job, I have to make sure that I can pay my bills with this comedy stuff.

Also, so that *I* won't have to travel, maybe someday you can do a show here in Fabulous Las Vegas. There are appreciative crowds, and you would probably make your way out here anyway if you haven't already.

Well, I really do appreciate you taking the time to read this email. I want to make sure you know that I am 100% serious. I am a very funny lady, and besides the hours I work at my job, I have TONS of spare time on my hands.

Thanks a lot,

"FizGig."

If I don't answer the phone, just leave a voice message and a good time to call you back.

******************

I didn't get a reply from Mr. Gregory himself, but I did get a response the very next day from his (PA? agent? e-mail handler?). He was much nicer than that Gaffigan fellow. His e-mail went something like this...

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Dear Christie,

Thank you for your note to James Gregory. Keep working hard at your craft and you will be fine.

James likes to work with opening acts that he has known for many, many years. Right now, he rotates 3-4 different opening acts throughout the year.

Good luck and keep up the hard work.

Kindest regards,
(There was a neat signature stamp here)
Lenny

Lenny Sisselman
LSA Entertainment
P.O. Box 218819
Nashville, TN 37221-8819
615-646-9068 Office
615-646-9088 Fax
615-429-1172 Cell

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I went ahead and posted his info because I figured if he entrusts me with is, he trusts the world with it. So, if you're in Tennessee, maybe you can give him a holla...

So, I thought this was a really nice e-mail, so I told him so....

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Lenny,

Thank you very much for your honest answer. It was a lot nicer than the usual "thanks but not interested" answer I've been getting.

If ever Mr. Gregory decides to perform in Las Vegas, drop me a line. I would very much enjoy seeing him perform live. (I'll even buy a round!)

Just remember...It's "FizGig." :)

Sincerely,
"FizGig."
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And never letting anyone else have the last word, that scamp...

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You got it!

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The only problem I see, is that I think these people think I'm serious. $1000 a DAY?? Am I nuts? I mean, sure, eventually, but to START? heh. I think if I ever meet either of them, I'll have to ask if they thought I was serious. I wonder if they'll play it off cool. But that BOTHERS me. If they think I'm serious, then I'm a lot better at this letter writing thing than I thought!!! I can't wait to see the look on their faces when they find out I'm normal! Well, "normal."

So, that's where I stand with the Jimbos's.

This is going to work eventually. I can feel it.

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