2002-01-22 ~ 7:24 p.m.

Till End of Phase Do We Part

I was chatting with this guy the other day. In the twenty minutes or so that we chatted, he mentioned that he found me to be a "girl who likes to be controlled."

Interesting.

He never told me how he came to these conclusions, but that's not really important. What's important is the validity of the statement.

I've thought about it a bit since the conversation, and I can't say that I whole-heartedly disagree with him. That, in itself, is really hard to admit.

I'm a single, 25 year old woman. I have a fairly nice paying job. I have an apartment, a car, a Vons Club card, a crapload of bills, so it would seem in essence that I'm an independent woman.

Then I think about how many phases and renaissances I've been through since I was 18. I've been goth, grunge, a mother (not by choice nor do I have any of my own), a club diva, and a porn "afficiando". (Don't get me wrong, I don't find anything wrong with porn, I just don't think I would have actually gone to a convention.)

It's not that I dislike any of my phases. I even made new friends and interests along the way. Most importantly, it varied my CD collection to more than just "Top 40."

BUT STILL!!! Could he be right? Am I just making up excuses to get by until my next phase/boyfriend comes about?

He was absolutely right. Kinda. I can't say that I didn't enjoy the new experiences. I can't say that I didn't like having somebody else plan everything. I can't say that I didn't enjoy not having to make a decision.

Then it happens.....every single time. I realize that I do like to make decisions. I do like being in control of what I'm doing and where I'm going. I do like being an independent woman. And I break up with the flavor of the year.

It really makes me wish that women made more sense.

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