2004-12-28 ~ 5:41 p.m.

New Banner And I Hate My Head

Heh... you likey?? It's my new banner created by the lovely Miss C-Otter, which garnered her 6 butterscotch candies. (Nope, only 6. The agreement was 6. I HAVE YOU SINGING ON MY CELL PHONE!!!)

And, yes, Mr. Cup O' Joe, I am SO an inductee. My banner says nothing of the Hall of Fame, just 12%. I can be an inductee, and dammit, it's my banner. :b

I'm also letting you folks know that I am now ready to start anti-depressants. I'm not sure if it's just been "Winter Blues" or what, but HOLY COW are there some bad things going on in my head. It can't be healthy. And as the realization strikes that this has always been in my head, just much MUCH louder right now, I feel that something needs to be done. I know that I've been complaining about anti-depressants for as long as my friend has been on them...but... well, I understand now. If the trade off is what's going on in my head for apathy, then I will gladly take apathy.

My friend recognizes that he needs to be off the meds and that comforts me. As long as you can see where you need to be and not just dependent on the meds, I think it's a good deal.

I about had a meltdown today. Wanna know why? Because of my beloved iPod. I had spent quite a bit of time ripping songs from my CD collection and I realized they weren't copying to the iPod. None of the user's guide or tutorials really had a direction on how to do it. The big Quick Setup poster gave me a better idea, but even the advice that it offered did not help any. (The menu option didn't light up.)

I came very close to throwing my iPod, I all but ripped it out of my computer. (Even when it was plugged back in later, the computer prompted that something was wrong with the hardware that was being attempted to be loaded... Ended up being a minor glitch caused by me about ripping my iPod out of my computer, but it easily fixed itself.) I went downstairs, had a minor setback in hurting myself and went into my bed and cried for a bit. Yes, I know this was over-reacting, but it was my over-reacting to do.

I finally found the button that nothing told me I was looking for, and the iPod is copying files perfectly. We are happy.

This isn't what made me decide to go on anti-depressants. I decided that a few days ago. Things that bother me has compounded exponentially in the past week. Some of these things are petty. Some of these things I have every right to be angry about. The problem is that I CAN'T let it go. They are sticking with me almost every second. It's incredibly hard for me to walk into work now.

I know things will work themselves out. It's just hard for me to see the end of the tunnel. I'm not even sure I'm in a tunnel.

But, darnit, I have a new banner...

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