2008-11-27 ~ 2:05 a.m.

Thanks For Something Or Other Day!

Turkey Day. Great.

So... did I bother telling ya'llsies about my standing up on the last update? I don't remember. I'm too lazy to go check.

I'm gonna go on the assumption that I did not. I seem to remember just talking about banging a bunch of people...

Alright, so I'm back to doing stand-up. My first time was 05-05-05... I researched the entry. :) and I went back to it 3 or 4 months ago.

I didn't research whether or not I documented the god-awful set that I did that made me not do stand up for 2 and a half years, but I'm really glad that it happened. I go up now, and oftentimes it's a little awful, but I don't care as much as I did a few years back. I did a bit of research on stand up the couple years I wasn't doing it, and found out that what I was feeling was normal and that all kids get hair down there during their teenage years. It certainly humbled me. Now I really don't care if a set was bad. If that's not a valuable life lesson, I don't know what is...

I think I vaguely remember saying that I am the top female comic at the bar that I go... I am wrong. Another lady showed up last week that I had not met before. She is super duper, and I now love her. She has also started an open mic at a little pizza place on saturday nights, so now I can do comedy on both of my days off instead of just the once a week. I've also put in to get a shift change at work so that I can do it everyday that someone has an open mic. It's the only way I'll get good.

Will I get good, you ask?

Very good question. I would assume so. At least, better...and "better" is just as good as "fucking awesome" when it comes to female comics...

I lost my train of thought, so second issue of the day.....Thanksgiving.

How is yours? I'm fine, thanks.

I got out of work right away because I signed that damn early out list. I signed that damn early out list because I'm addicted to signing it for one, and also because little Chewie, Rally Edition is sick.

Last week he had a day where he was vomiting. I was all upset because I didn't want to take him to a vet (yeah, THAT'S what I was worried about, I am a horrible mother...) He got over it fairly quickly, so he had probably eaten a bug or a plant or something... but he developed a cough soon after. I just figured it was because the season was changing, and I had been burning a lot of candles and incense and weed, so I stopped doing all of that (in the house) but his cough just got worse. I did have to take him to the vet (godDAMMIT!) to see what was up... the best guess is that he probably aspirated (that means "breathed in") a little vomit and it went to his lungs and got infected. It's a pneumonia of sorts. Poor little baby dog... Of all the shit he's been through... I would do the research to find the entries where I was going through his past medical history, but, um..no...but if I did, it would be right here... My poor little baby is sick again... I hope I'm just being sensitive...but this time feels a little....scary, permanent, just godawful... again, hope I'm just being paranoid mom about it.
He's still drinking water at this point, so that's good. I have to coax him into food though, and that's not normal. That would be like having to talk me into sucking a big dick (an actual big dick, not a proverbial one) ...it just doesn't happen.

I think I think that he's going to pass soon because I have been talking a bunch about what I'm going to do after he's gone lately. I don't want to, but people keep asking. (He's almost 15 for those not playing the home game.)

So, what am I going to do? I'm going to meet someone that I fall madly in love with and stay at their house for the duration I am in love with them. Having to be home everyday by 5am has been kinda a chore for a barfly as myself. (I get off of work at latest by 4 am for those who are still not playing the home game.)

I'm going to casino deal on a cruise ship. As you know, (or not know if you're, for the love of me, still not playing the home game) I loves me some cruises, and I happen to be a casino dealer... and I'm super cute (how are you STILL not playing the home game?!?!?) so I think I can do it, and do it well, and see a little bit of the world while I do it, and probably fall in love a few times while I do it.

I love falling in love... have I mentioned it? I'll bet I have. 2 to 1 odds? I bet $50! Who owes me $100?

A little casino humour...

Moving on......

For right this second, I'm a little drunk on "sparkling wine". I bought a 4 pack of champagne flutes and the most expensive bottle of "sparkling wine" at Mart du Wal a few days ago for Thanksgiving........WHICH IT FUCKIN' IS!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! And I'm a little drunk.......cause I let my pot stash run out. Why did I let my pot stash run out, you ask? Becaaaaaaaause I don't update my online journal when I'm all stoned n' shit. Hence me not updating for a year n' shit. Word n' shit, yo.

OH!!! so... I just bought champagne flutes yesterday because I had plastic champagne flutes which worked just fine. I got them in one of those SUPER cheesy valentine's thingies that you buy on the corner because you didn't think to plan ahead. One of my "3 Month Relationships" bought it for me this past valentine's day even though I made it expressly clear I didn't want anything for that god-awful holiday. He was a sweet boy. He just felt the need to get me something.

I was SO angry when I walked in from work to see that horrible gift. I mean, if you insist on getting me something when I expressly ask you not to, it betteh be diamonds, yo. Not a basket with a crappy stuffed animal, awful, AWFUL shower gel, sparking CIDER, with two red see-through plastic champagne flutes with plastic red hearts in the stem to accentuate how really super god awful they are.....

Hmmmmm... "god-awful" is the word of this entry...

Anyway, I kept those god-awful flutes until yesterday. I guess I could still technically dig them out of the trash, but, sweet baby randall, why?

Sweet Baby Randall...that was what I called him. The three month relationship before him was simply called "The Boy". The nicknames I come up with seem to be spot on.

Anyway, Sweet Baby Randall was the fucking BOMB in bed. He was just so fucking retarded. No, it was worse than you think. He was part of some multi-level marketing thingamadoohig and didn't see for a second how they were "getting" him. According to him, they were honest, good people and only wanted the best for him.

I was so skinny while I was with him. 3 hours a day, people. 3 HOURS a day. For three months. Best shape of my life.

I was down to 150. I'm back to 160 now. My Best Friend, Rally Edition and I joined the gym, but we haven't been in a few months because I've been stoned, and he got a new boyfriend. And when I'm stoned I munchie like NOBODY'S business. Actually, for a couple of days, I was at 148...but, again, whatever.

OH!! SO the reason that I bring that up is because I'm using my brand new flutes to

I just learned a couple of moments ago that my sister, who I despise more than anyone just this side of homicidal has ever despised someone before, is pregnant!!! YAY HER!!! I'm super duper happy. I will technically be an aunt.

And no one puts the *unt in "aunt" like I do!!
Most likely, that little bit of life will get curious about his/her (I think it's gonna be a "her") aunt and come looking for me, and I'll get to tell him/her EVERYTHING!!!!! UNCENSORED!!!!!

It's gonna happen. You and I know it's gonna happen, and when it does, you and I are going to understand "karma" a little better.

Not really..karma has nothing to do with me... but it's still going to be fun when her child asks me why I haven't spoken to her in 20 years.

I sent her a myspace message a few moments ago. All very positive. Told her I was happy for her and all that.

Wonder if she'll get back to me...details to follow. :D

Alright... getting drunker...

Type at you later!

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