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Designed by Kris 'Destral' Wilke at Destral.net

I wrote this three weeks ago. I was a little inebriated when I wrote it, so I saved it to look at it while I was sober to make sure I was saying the things that I wanted to say. So, I sobered up today and re-read it, and it still works.

So.. Let me present to you...

Ode To Charlie

3 weeks ago, I had decided definitively that I needed to leave my husband. Today, I am divorced (yep, already signed, dated, notorized, and filed), not only have I found a new pad, but I'm moved in and have already stayed a night, I even have Chewie over tonight (because, yes, we have decided on joint custody.)

I've never EVER heard of a divorce so incredibly clean and "easy". Don't get me wrong, this was a really big thing that just happened, but freaking Christ, did it happen fast! I know it was my idea, but I'm not even sure what just happened these past three weeks.

It's just......over. I'm making a whole new set of decisions now. It's all happening. Right NOW.

Crazy, man.

Charlie has been absolutely amazing. He kept everything moving the whole time. A slighted man has never been so noble. He's a real estate agent now, so he helped me find a place to rent. (He also advised me not to buy right now because going through a divorce is huge, you don't really want to make a life decision like buying a house in this state of mind. And you know what, he's freakin' right.) He called the movers, he probably did more packing than I did.

Ya know, when I write it out like that, it sure does make it sound like he had had it, and was quite content on making it happen... but wait... it's not JUST that...

He did ALL the hard stuff. The pulling apart and putting back together of the bed that I took. He even made sure it was balanced. There was no reason for him to do all that.

The reason my computer wasn't brought over yesterday.......cause he went out and bought an external hard drive so that we could back up my iTunes JUST IN CASE something were to happen to the computer on the move and it got wiped clean. He didn't want me to have to pay for all that music again. I KNOW!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM????

He's a helper. It's what he does. I've never met a finer man. Ever ever ever. If you get a chance to have him in your life, BY ALL MEANS, do it. If you want to buy a house, or sell a house, or buy a car. He doesn't sell cars or anything, but he will get you the best possible deal.

I'm pretty sure I've written about it on here, but if I haven't, TOTALLY shame on me, but he makes people agree to discounts or deals that don't even exist. It's retarded.

His last victim was Apple. He bought a Mac at the fine store at the Fashion Show Mall here in Faaabulous Las Vegas. Those poor people. If you know anything about Mac, you know that they don't give discounts... They just don't. He made them do things that can would make a porn star blush. They got fucked so hard. While they were keying in the discounts that they were giving him (I say "they" because managers ALWAYS have to get involved, so there's more than one person at the register), the key-er inner said, "Can we put this code in with that code?" and the manager sighed and said, "We can't do any of it.." and yet it was done.

That is the glory of Charlie.

My friend was going to buy a house. He had signed a contract. For some reason he did it before consulting Charlie. When Charlie looked over the contract, they were going to make my friend do unspeakable acts. It was a completely illegal contract. He sees things in contracts that you would NEVER even think.

This is how I started to understand the world. Whenever someone puts a contract in front of me, I always think "well, i'll read, I'm sure I know enough English to figure out if I'm getting screwed or not". Seems that is not the case. Sure, I understand the WORDS, but when you put them all in order like that, not to mention the shit they leave out on purpose... you don't think about that, do you?

Charlie does.

I'm pretty sure he was a lawyer in his past life. He got close to doing it this time around, but forewent it to pursue the glamorous life of a Faaaabulous Las Vegas Dealer.

Anyway, he is truly an anomaly of this world. I am ever grateful for having him in my life.

*********

So that's what I wrote a few weeks ago. In the past three weeks, he fixed one of my sinks, he helped me take my car into get worked on, he got several quotes for car insurance for me...and the list does go on, but I believe you get the gist.

I've thanked him from the bottom to the top of my heart, but I want everyone else in the world to know how great he is too.

Thank you, Charlie. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you.

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