2007-01-06 ~ 3:23 p.m.

Thank You For Smoking

As some of you may know, work has really sucked lately for reasons that I haven't wanted to talk about.

Anyway, I had taken it upon myself to start smoking again at work. I found these absolutely delightful cigarettes called "Sweet Dreamz". They were lovely sweet cigarettes. I preferred vanilla. It wasn't like a clove, it was just a flavored cigarette. I liked the licking of my lips after the first blissful drag. It was sweet, much like when you lick your lips while smoking cloves even though cloves are absolutely disgusting, but the licking lips part is fairly pleasant. Also, the second hand smoke coming off of the cigarette itself was delightful. It was still smoke, sure, but it had the sweet smell. One smoker told me it was actually a delight to sit next to me while smoking, another said it smelled like a bakery when I was in the smoking area.

I hadn't picked back up my pack and a half a day habit. My husband is very anti-smoking, so of course I couldn't smoke at home. He smelled it on me and in my car, as much as I spritzed and gargled, of course, but he was kind enough to just let it slide while I figured my way out of my work depression.

Well, the work depression hasn't subsided, and I'll give you details soon, maybe, but I did resolve to quit smoking again. I figured I quit smoking before when it really had a hold on me, I may as well do it now while I'm only a pack a week smoker.

The first couple of days was hard not because of nicotine addiction, but because of the habit of smoking at work. The smoking area is about a mile away from civilization, one needs a sherpa to get there, and though because of construction, we were finally allowed to get to the smoking area under the protection of the parking garage instead of walking outside (through rain and wind), they gave us a caged rat maze to get there.. and being a dealer, we get 20 minutes to get there, smoke a cigarette, and get back to our table. It was an adventure.

That's actually why it was hard this time to quit. For those very active 20 minutes, I didn't have to think of the soul suck that is my job, and the hell that is the building my soul-sucking job is located. Not really.

So I found pleasure in what other smokers found an inconvenience.

And smokers are so much more entertaining than non-smokers....everytime. Sorry, but it's my theory, it's been tested more than once, and it is the conclusion I continue to draw. (Not personally, of course, but as a people.)

I've not been one to even have New Year's resolutions. I let myself down enough, but this was an easier one. If I can just keep myself from eating instead, all will be well.

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