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Designed by Kris 'Destral' Wilke at Destral.net

I think I've mentioned it in the past, but since we're not in the past, I shall reiterate... I HATE Christmas.

I hate it. I hate it. I really hate it. It's stupid. I hate it.

And then to make it that much more pleasant for me... we're having Christmas dinner at OUR house this year. It's not right. I hate it. I am so very not happy.

Here's my thing, I don't like people in my space, and though I should have thought of that before we bought a house that was much more appropriate for larger dinners than Hubby's parents house-well, I thought I would be a whole new changed women by this point in my life.

However, I am not. I really needed someone to explain to me that just getting married doesn't turn one into Suzie Homemaker. I just really thought the desire would come up, you know? I mean, my mother-in-law, when she got married, she didn't really know how to cook, but she had desire to learn. Whenever I am over at her house and helping her with some baked item, she always says something like, "I have faith in you." I think that makes it worse. I just have no desire to do it. Not even a little bit.

I think what's worse is that I keep hearing crap like, "Can't you act happy for a little bit so that everyone can have a pleasant holiday?" I think that is so rude. I think it will seem ruder to me this year.... Why do *I* have to care if everyone is having a pleasant holiday... *I*'m not having a pleasant holiday. Anyway, it's not like I totally bring everyone down. I do put on the happy face and all that bullshit, but I'm tired of it. And it's going to be much, much harder this year with everyone in my space.

Oh, and to kick me while I'm down, the Hubby decided that this year he wanted his Christmas present to be---- FAMILY PHOTOS!!!!

Buuuuuuuuuuuullllllshit.

I'm just not a photo person. I mean, besides hating being in photos now that I'm 50 pounds heavier than I would be happy with, I'm also just not a scrapbook-y type. I don't have piles of photo albums... What digital photos I have may or may not make it to the next computer I buy. I just really don't care. I agree it is kinda neat to hang out on my husband's computer and see some of the photos he has from when we first started dating, but then I get mad at how fat I've gotten. The only pictures that I really enjoy are from after I graduated high school, there was a summer trip to New York. My mom scraped money together to pay for it as a graduation gift, and while I was there, I took close to 400 pictures. I don't think I'm in any of them.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah. So, I don't feel that I'm being a baby about this per se. I think it's more that in instances like this, that Borderling Personality stuff kicks in, which, sure is "baby-esque" and I try to understand it from everyone else's point of view, but it just brings me back to why can't everyone look at it from my point of view? Don't they see how uncomfortable I am?

I think I mentioned it last year, but (again, who can remember the dumb shit I said last week much less a year ago...) during in-law Christmases, they open presents one person at a time. Cards too! Though I will admit, it used to take a LOT longer because there was a no holds barred on gifts, but we have finally implemented a gift exchange with a ceiling price. But those first couple of years, that was pretty brutal. Not only was everyone just watching me (oh my god, Awittykitty, can you imagine?) but ALSO, I had to put on a face of non-disappointment when I opened something, not necessarily disappointing, but something that I couldn't imagine why someone would buy me, like, for instance, oven mitts.

Now, however, with the gift exchange, since we give the person a list of what we want, it seems that almost half of us have decided on gift cards. Very unthoughtful gift cards...... but.. ya know what? I freakin' want an iTunes gift card. That's what I want. That's what I would spend money on if I didn't have to spend money on someone else who wants DirecTV Extra Innings, or a certain person who wants a gift certificate to her favorite sewing shop.

Ok, so there's my point... it's not like any of us have any kids. And it seems that now we're all just kinda spending money on gift cards.... So, wouldn't it make sense if we just all keep our money and just get together for Thanksgiving/Christmas? I mean... if we must.

Oh, and you know what else? There's a goddamned tree in my house. Miss Queen of Hay Fever has a real damn tree in her house. As you can clearly see, not quite my idea. Hey, don't we need trees to produce oxygen in our environment? Shouldn't we, ya know, keep them in nature? Ya know, nature, where I don't go.....because I'm allergic? Eh?

And in all reality, there was no way we weren't getting a tree this year because we didn't get one last year, and Hubby laid (layed....erm... had lain? See? Golf Widow, you take the time to explain them to me, and I still can't get it right. No wonder you don't talk to me.) a lot of guilt on me. Good ol' passive-aggressive guilt. I was as angry about Christmastime last year as I was this year, and he came home with one of those little Charlie Brown trees. And I tell you, that fucker got three of its pines stuck in me. Anyway, I'm staying far away from the tree we have now. The Hubby wants it, he can deal with it.

As it is, I don't believe that I am expected to cook, so I shouldn't be complaining as much as I am. But I do work until 4 in the morning, and they'll probably start cooking around 8 in the morning, and the kitchen is right next to my bedroom, and the dog will want to know what's going on. Ugh, I'll be a "helper" by 10am, I can feel it.

And.....the question I ask every year..... why the hell do we start cooking Thanks-Christmas dinner at 8 in the morning, knowing that it will be done by 2? That is NOT dinner!!! BAH!!!!!!

I do love Christmas lights, however.

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