2006-05-18 ~ 6:56 p.m.

There's Nothing Borderline About It, I'm Straight Up Crazy

My cough is getting better and Italy is getting closer.

Still not excited. I blame my mom. When I was little, there were seemingly hundreds of promises of something-destinations or presents- that when the time came that I expected them, "Oh, sorry, we can't," or, "I couldn't get it," or the most heartbreaking, "I forgot." She did this a lot, so eventually, I just stopped looking forward to things.

But it's weird now that I *know* we have the tickets- I know this because the money has been extracted from my bank account-, all required confirmation numbers are tucked safely away in The Hubby's folder, I've done the necessary clothes shopping, emergency numbers have been given out, but even still when someone asks, "are you excited?" I'm all, "Uh, yeah.. sure...I guess...I mean.. ya know."

Hey, did I mention to ya'll that I have Borderline Personality Disorder?

YAY me!

Most of my friends have said, "The only thing that surprises me about that is the 'borderline' part." Because I have bastard friends who nobody likes.

Just so you know, the "borderline" is just the clinical term. It was a term that they used when they first "discovered" this disorder because they weren't sure if the disorder was a neurosis or a psychosis. It was "borderline" between the two, and now the name has stuck. I believe that they have actually decided that BPD is neither neurosis nor psychosis per se.

Also fun of my disorder is that it isn't really treatable. They could treat the symptoms such as depression or anxiety but, in my case, neither of those things are particularly prevalent in my day to day life for me to require medication. Also, as with meeting with a therapist, most people with BPD discontinue therapy because we feel that it doesn't really help as therapy usually tries to deal with incidents in the past to mend problems now instead of focusing on the now where BPD's have most problems.

Did I mention that I've discontinued therapy?

The only good thing about folks with BPD is that though it is not exactly treatable, it usually fizzles itself out when the sufferer reaches his or her mid-thirties. Having reached 30 sixteen days ago, I'm on the right track.

My therapist didn't realize that I had BPD until my last session. It was kind of funny, actually. I think my request to discontinue therapy was the part where it really clicked for her. She just thought I was depressed up to that point.

Learning of it has helped a lot. I've read up on it, and it's made things make a lot more sense. When I feel the rage coming on, I know that there's not much I can do about it but be aware of it and do the best I can to not say or do something that will hurt The Hubby or myself.

Pin-pointing the problem has really helped our relationship. I've been staying at home more lately, which actually kinda sucks because he doesn't like it when I use his computer, and I have a deep need to play Chuzzle.

Quella e(with a downward accent) vita. (That may or may not be the Italian way to say "that's life" according to Alta Vista's Babelfish translator.)

Ciao, ya'll.

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