2005-12-29 ~ 3:57 p.m.

I SAID, "GOOD DAY!!!"

If you're a fan of comedy, and I am, you have heard of Jim Gaffigan. Mr. Gaffigan is also one of the dozens of comedians that turned me down personally as an opening act. He's also the one that didn't bother with spell check when he turned me down.

But I'm not one to hold onto things like that.

Anyway, if you subscribe to any of his mailings or blogs, you will have seen this. And I think it's funny. And I wanted to share.

So here it is. My diary update that I didn't put any thought into at all whatsoever...

********
I'm so tired of those "crazies" stuffing this "Happy New Year" crap
down my throat. "Happy New Year, Jim" or "You're good in bed, Jim.
Have a good New Year." Hey, it's YOUR new year, not mine, buddy! How
do you know when I end my year? Please don't t tell me when to end my
year! How arrogant of you to think that I go by the same calendar.

How do you think the, what?, over one million Chinese feel hearing
"Have a good new year" a month before they get their year-end bonuses?
How about those Roman gods? Ya think that half horse-half human god
likes dealing with your old fashioned 12-month calendar?

Happy New Year?! I just live here, buddy! I'm not like the rest of
you, brainwashed into some western calendar. That is, if it really is
a calendar. I don't think the founding fathers wrote anything about
"and ye ye we endorsthe happy new yearye." Well they might have wrote
that, but nothing about leap year! Interesting, huh? No leap year
comment? Tell me that isn't a conspiracy? Or something . . . odd?

Sure, some of you might think I'm being sensitive, but I think we
should start saying, "Happy New Year OR Have a Good One." You know
what? Just get rid of this "Happy New Year" business. It takes too
much energy to say those three words. Plus I don't even think people
mean it and the holiday has gotten completely commercialized anyway.
There, I said it. You might think I hate America or Jesus or Oprah,
but I don't care.

Anyway, "Have a good one"
Jim Gaffigan
**********

And if you're now a fan, you can see him here:
UPCOMING APPEARANCES:
Zanies - Downtown Chicago Dec 29th 312-337-4027
Zanies - St Charles, Ill Dec 30th
Zanies - Vernon Hills, Ill New Years Eve 312-337-4027
Laff Stop - Houston, TX Jan 4-7th (713) 524-2333
Sundance Film Festival - Park City, Utah Jan 20-23 with film Stephanie
Daley
Private Corp Event - Orlando, Fl Jan 26th
COMEDY CENTRAL ONE HOUR SPECIAL JAN 29TH
Conan O'Brien - NBC Feb 1st
Comedy Connection Saugus, MA- Boston,Ma Feb 8-11th
Comedy Connection Providence, RI Feb 9th
Comedy Connection Boston, MA Feb 10-11
Improv - Tampa, Fl Feb 23-26th
Private Corp Event - Atlanta, GA Feb 28
Moore Theater - Seattle, WA Mar 3rd
Alladin Theater - Portland, OR Mar 4th

And if you can't make it to any of those...

My new DVD, BEYOND THE PALE, is now available for pre-order at jimgaffigan.com or amazon.com.

Only 10.99 and Includes:
- 68 minutes of stand up concert. An additional 20 minutes of
material not featured in Comedy Central One Hour Special (Jan 29)
- Mr. Chicago (short movie) - My tour around Chicago on day of the
DVD taping
- Eat Dinner with Jim (short movie) - Enjoy a hot pocket with me
- My First Stand Up Performance (1/27/91) - See me sweat
- How to Break into Stand-Up Comedy - I play a character with all the
answers
- A Short Cartoon of Jim
- Jim makes news

*********
He really should hire me as his pimp.

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