2009-01-19 ~ 5:27 p.m.

And I'll Keep Doing It As Long As You Keep Saying Dumb Shit To Me

Oh, that guy. I really thought I wouldn't post more of his stuff, but it's just so fascinating.

And he just won't stop. And then what's better, he's trying to make me feel guilty. Barkin' up the wrong tree.

After he read the last blog... (and I wasn't going to post this anywhere, I hadn't even forwarded it to my friends, but I had a change of heart..)

******** ****
I'll try to keep this as short as I can, since I like to ramble.
I just wanted to write you about my sincerity.
Yeah, I flirt with other women inappropriately when I'm dating. But I've never ever cheated on a girl. Not ever.
And honesty is very important to me.

I wrote that mean email about fucking women (and about you not being funny) because I was trying to vent and make myself sound like a dick. Hating you was mostly just me being self-loathing.
It's true. I love to have sex with women.
But I'd like to think I do love women.
And I believe what I say and don't just say stuff because women "eat that shit up."

And you're right, I do friend single women on myspace because I'm hoping to meet someone. Hopefully someone a lot like you. But someone who wants to have a relationship with me. I'm not doing it just to get fucked.
Because I've discovered that if I go in it just to get fucked, my heart is what end up getting fucked.

You're probably going to show all your friends this email.
Hi everybody.

You said they were all glad for you ending things with me as soon as you did.
But they just know about me what you told them.
We all make ourselves look like the hero and vilify the other person.
So maybe you and I were both there hero. Or both the villain.
And I'm going to try not to spend my time on this email defending myself. But I would like to say my 30 text messages were really half that - they were just long and got broken up. And in my defense, I was pretty goddamn hurt. Rejection is a bitch - especially when it comes like that.
We had a very intense, albeit brief, relationship, and you ended it because I said, "bad person." And you didn't talk to me for five whole days.
My heart still hurts from that.

I wish I could've just been your friend when you said "sex is polluting our relationship".
But that seemed like a cop-out.
You knew it was more than sex.
It wasn't just about having sex with you.
I just don't know how to be your pal - and not want to have sex with you.
It seems dishonest.

So I really was just trying to be true to myself and respect you by being honest.
Honest.
I meant well.
I really just want to do the right thing.

And I'm really sorry for every bad thing I ever said about you.

And no, I'm not just saying this in hopes we'll get back together.
Please assume my intentions are noble.
I have no hope in us ever being together again.
Admittedly, I wish we were.
But I have no hope nor expectation.
I do not expect to ever hear from you again nor do I expect you to reply to this email.

Which is okay. If we can't be together, I can't be your friend as I previously explained about trying to live honestly.

But honestly, I do love you as much as I have ever possibly loved any woman.
Whether it was 2 days or 12 days or whatever.
I know people who are together for 20 years and never really connect. And I felt like we connected.
And this photo will probably be on my computer background for a long while:
(It's a cute picture of us kissing).

But I will try not to write you anymore.
And I will try to leave you alone.
In fact, I had a couple friends invite me to the (place I work) where they were having a few beers, and I turned them down. I'm trying to avoid that stalker rap you're trying to vilify me with. :)

Thank you for everything. I'm just going to try to remember the flowers. You're a very awesome person, despite your commitment thing.

Sorry I wasn't better able to be a better person and be your friend.

P.S. You really are funny and an incredibly beautiful person, inside and out.... I just.... well, went a little Anakin Skywalker on you.

P.P.S. May the force be with you.

*********
I read it, then went about my evening deciding how to answer, when I went back to my computer I also got...
*********

I agree with almost everything you said about me....though I wish you could've been kinder.
The next time I feel hurt by a girl. I hope I don't get all Anakin on her.
I hope I just walk away.
Because if I had walked away, you would've had a lot less to write about.
And I'd feel less bad about myself and how I behaved toward you.

And I'm not sure, but I think after that blog you wrote, it must mean you actually do care about me. Which is only important because I convinced myself you just used me and you couldn't love me.

But in the off chance that you do.... thank you.

Hopefully one day I will better learn to forgive and love myself.

I'm sorry I wasn't able to be the man you wanted me to be.
********* *****

I was going to answer the first one, but decided to answer the second one instead...

**************
I wish I could have been kinder too. But that was exactly as I saw it, and I'm not a kind person...which you have noted. I'm not saying that to throw it in your face...it's a fact, sometimes I'm not necessarily kind.

I have some texts in my "drafts" folder that are a little aggressive and rude... they would be along the lines of "Oh is it heart wrenching? Thank you for making sure I know which adjective to use when telling my friends about it.I'll let them know you reached out 'sincerely' and heart wrenchingly."

But, I, too, try to be a better person everyday. My head still goes to an angry and petty place, but I can recognize it sooner.
I didn't send it because I know it's better not throwing out words that I may regret later. I've done mine and other people's share of that in my day. I think they (the words) do actually cut oneself much deeper than the intended target.

Also, I mentioned in the blog that I didn't write it to call you out, I wrote it to get it out of my head, as it had been sitting there for too long. There were some things about it that really bothered me, and it was nice to relieve myself of them. I do hope that even though these were personal letters now out in the open, I've properly respected your privacy.

Anyway, I also originally wanted to rip your first email apart and try, again, to explain to you why and how things aren't what they seem, but we both know where that goes.

But, mostly, I do not need your apology. Again, that's not why I wrote the blog. I'm not really sure you know what you should be apologizing to me about anyway. Apologizing for "not being the man I wanted", for instance. What's the use in that? Why not apologize for not being the man that YOU want to be? And if you *are* the man you want to be, then who the fuck cares what I want? It certainly wouldn't matter to you, would it? Because that's the kind of man that I want...someone who doesn't need to be more than he is.

I hope that doesn't come off as mean, but I really don't need your apologies. It's done and over with. There's not much more to say. You say the blog "must mean" that I cared about you.
No fucking shit, a-hole. I believe I said that to you.

But that green-eyed monster just sat there and gnawed on your brain, didn't he? Could you think of anything else besides me sleeping with other people? Probably why you had to go flirt with people. If the worst happened, maybe you could get a filler in real quick and the monster wouldn't have to entirely turn it's ugly head...just show up real quick...
That's why not having sex means that we can't possibly have a relationship? Then you would probably have to hear about everyone that I bang. That wouldn't be good for your psyche at all. That's when you get unreasonable.

I wonder what you would have done if you were able to at least pretend to be my friend for awhile... I don't think it would have actually gotten too colorful.. I think you would have just ended up not texting me that much. Maybe a myspace comment here and there.. I DEFINITELY would have gotten the Santa "thhhhppt" one, but maybe not santa spanking the hot brunette one. Yeah, I think you would have just disappeared into the next girl.

That would have been a little less dramatic. This way was a lot harder. But I think we both learned a lot.

I'm sure we'll cross paths on some comments section somewhere. If I say anything in reference to you, I mean it in the funniest way possible. Like, I knew you were going to read that tro comment, I just had no idea you would react so strongly.
I would have reacted with a comment to the comment and made a joke of it, not that it matters what I would have done. My point is that it just never occurred to me you would have reacted that way...so for that, I apologize.

Otherwise, I'm about done here...I imagine you have something else to say..
***************

He hadn't responded for over a day... I thought I had finally gotten a last word in.. turns out, the email never sent.. DAMMIT!
ANyway... I got this...

*********
Yeah. I agree with you. Holding on to pain and angrily throwing out hurtful words is exactly like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else.
I only have hurt myself each time I have said anything to you or about you that wasn't completely loving and positive.

I also agree with you about being the man I want to be.
Thank you for the good advice.

And I don't need to "pretend" to be your friend.
I have no ill will for you.
I am your friend. And I am something more than that. I always will be. For I can't ever stop loving you. And have no desire to ever do so.
But I have no hope to ever be with you again. You have made your wishes very clear.

You are right about my insecurity and how I wouldn't want to hear about the people you are having sex with.
I probably shouldn't still feel hurt that you didn't want to keep having monogamous sex with me. I probably still shouldn't wish I could hold you again and kiss you and help you orgasm over and over again for the next twenty years.
If a woman doesn't want to be intimate with me anymore, then I suppose I should respect her and myself and try to not want to be intimate with her anymore either.

You are also right about why I flirted with other people.
I wish I had been better able to trust you more and better believe in your love for me.
I see now how much you really did and do care for me and I am eternally grateful.
And I am trying to forgive myself for not better believing in you and ultimately not better believing in myself.
My insecurity and trust issues have nothing to do with you and I will be focusing more on the good person I am.
If a negative thought about you pops in my head again, I will now just try to immediately reflect how it is really a thought about myself... and try to forgive myself for the flaw I feel I have that makes me not look at you in a completely loving light.

And that's really all I have to say.

That, and thank you for everything.
***************

I had started an email... it went like this...
*******************

I want to make sure you HEAR everything I say...
Here's what was mistaken your last email...

You said, "And I don't need to 'pretend' to be your friend."
That's not what I said... I said IF you WOULD HAVE at least TRIED to JUST pretend to be my friend, this whole ordeal would have been a lot less dramatic. I have never nor would ever ask someone to pretend to be friends with me. Though, as in this case, I would have highly recommended it.

Another point...You say, "I am your friend. And I am something more than that..."

You are absolutely not my friend. A friend of mine would have never EVER said the things that you said to me. Not. Ever. You can ask the friends that I do have, they will tell you the same. Anyone that I consider a friend would have a very deep grasp of who I am and it wouldn't even cross their mind to say awful things to me. Unless, of course, those awful things were REALLY funny. And I didn't find your emails humorous at all.
I appreciate GREATLY that you no longer hate me, but...and I reiterate...that does not make us friends.
It is possible that we can be friends again someday..but for right now, we are not.
As for being "something more than that"... well, we did have sex, but I don't believe that you were something "more than a friend."
Again, I really don't say these things to be mean, but I have had friends, I have had "lovers", and you, sir, are not a friend.

If you don't want to hear about people I have sex with, you probably shouldn't visit my page.
You are correct in saying that you "probably shouldn't still feel hurt that you didn't want to keep having monogamous sex with me."
It wasn't that I didn't want to just stop having monogamous sex with you. I no longer wanted to HAVE SEX with you. I wanted to completely stop having sex with you, PERSONALLY.
Something felt very wrong, and I'm now certain it was this Mr. Hyde within you.
These are the lessons, please pay attention...

And. "probably still shouldn't wish I could hold you again and kiss you and help you orgasm over and over again for the next twenty years."
You shouldn't have considered that in the first place. From the moment I said, "because I *did* just get out of a 5 year relationship..." it's a flag...pay attention to it.

5 years was bad for me, what makes you think 20 years is "better" for me, orgasm or not?

And... this might be the most important thing I'll ever say to you, and I don't doubt that it's the thing that will be most ignored...
you say.. "I see now how much you really did and do care for me and I am eternally grateful.
And I am trying to forgive myself for not better believing in you and ultimately not better believing in myself.
My insecurity and trust issues have nothing to do with you and I will be focusing more on the good person I am."

There is no need for eternal gratefulness. (This isn't the important part yet...) I don't give a shit about your eternal gratefulness. I don't give a shit about you trying to forgive yourself. This all means nothing to me. I mention this because this is what you say to people. It feels like we're supposed to feel fucking special about it. I don't think this is the message you want to relay...but you do... and you constantly do. Sure...you have ladies who say, "Wow, what great words.." but start to consider what they mean. Really.

Here's the important part...
When you say, "and I will be focusing more on the good person I am".....
Are you a "good" person? I'm not saying you're not. But these are the judgments within the judgments that confuse us. We are led to believe that we are "good people." It becomes important to be good. But are we "good"? Again, I'm not saying you're bad... but you're *just* You (his name). Good or bad, no matter what happens, you're just You.
I get concerned when people look for a "good" part of their soul. It sets us up for disappointment. And, again, it's not that we're not good, it's the standards we use to compare. If we can see who we "just" are... it makes it a lot easier. And I think you'll agree that even though they were horrible things that were emailed to me, it was written by just a guy named (his name). He wasn't "good". He wasn't "bad".... at the time, he was just a pissed off guy named "(his name)".

Don't look for what is or isn't there. Just see what's there.

Have I already mentioned what I theorize your insecurity and trust issues are based off of?
If so, I'm gonna do it again..

Your relationship with men and women are based LARGELY on your relationship with your mom and dad.
I know, your mom and you have a crap relationship...OH!! So do you and all the women you have relationships with. (not your internet ladies, of course... who I have an affectionate name for) But any of your real relationships with women..just the three that I know of... let's take a look...

The 10 year relationship... the brother told you that you made a good decision, and you respected his words.

WIth "love of your life" it is (musician guy). I don't know exactly know his part through the break up, but I do know you keep in contact with him...

With me, Best Friend, Rally Edition, who I know you find funnier, a saint, you have a lot of respect for him...

but yet, every single one of us, the girls that you "loved" have all been cast aside at one point or another (for at least one of us, even revisited) as "crazy".

Have you considered that? These men that you didn't really know, you care deeply about their opinion, but the women who actually did the hard work, listened and held you when you wanted to open up, get treated like ass at the drop of a hat.

It feels as though you expect more from us because we're not your mom, but then, you treat us with the same respect as her when we don't live up to your outrageous expectations.

You mom was unhealthy.
*************

That was as far as I got. I was going to finish it today...
but he just can't stay shut up...
For your entertainment... I've also added my own comments in parenthesis...

(And, yes, guy who this is all directed towards, it IS just entertainment to me now. Ain't neither one of us listening to the other at this point anyway...)

***************

By the way, I think calling yourself a sometimes unkind person isn't accurate. (dude, ask my friends, it TOTALLY is...)
I think so you don't have guilt, you call yourself bad so you have an excuse.
"I'm a bad person, so that's why I do bad things."
(Erm... I'm supposed to have guilt about it then?)
I think most of what you do is mainly to protect your ego.
Because you don't think enough of yourself.
I know you claim you do.
But you don't.
Your actions prove it.
(I might give you this, but I think a TON more of myself than I used to and also a TON more than you think about yourself.. Nyah. :b )
For example, your entire blog was about how I was wrong and you were right. (No shit, it's MY GODDAMNED BLOG!!!) It was an attempt to justify what you did to me. (I don't have to justify what I "did" to you.)
It was your story to your friends.
But whenever something happened between us, I really didn't make an effort to run and tell all my friends about you. (Because you would have had to admit the seething rage you have inside, and your chicks don't dig that...)

But you did that with me.
You might want to ask yourself why you had the need to tell your friends about my text messages and my emails.
(Because they're MY GODDAMNED FRIENDS, and they all have at LEAST 10 years on you with the exception of Miss Beautiful and Divinely Talented who, by the way, you were MUCH closer friends with than Best Friend, Rally Edition, but not a kind word was ever said about her....Interesting...)

Obviously you can think for yourself. so it wasn't their guidance.
(No, more of a "lookit what the fuck I attracted to myself this time!")

It's the validation of others that you seek.
(And also a cry for help, don't forget that. "Can you make sure I don't do this again?")

And if you really did think you were so great, you wouldn't be telling your friends everything, twisting reality to your version of events, painting yourself as the victim and me (or whoever) as the villain - so you wouldn't feel guilt over your rotten behavior and how you treated me.

(Oh, no, honey.. you are most certainly the victim here. I'm not going to take that away from you. And if by "rotten behavior" you mean "walking away from a baby screaming over a lollipop", don't worry, I don't feel guilty.)

If you wrote that blog just "to get it out of your head" you could've just written it privately in a msword file.
Or sent it to me in an email.

(You're right. I could have kept it private. But I've had this online diary thingy for quite sometime. THIS helps me. THIS is what I do. And this doesn't have anything to do with you. This is me and how I deal.)

You say lots of things in your blog and in your emails to me that claim one thing.
But your actions demonstrate another.

It was wrong how you treated me and it was further wrong to publish personal letters.
You really didn't respect my privacy.

(No one here knows who you are, except my close friends who met you and the people that you forwarded the link to. Your actual privacy hasn't been disrupted.)

I was wrong too. I'm not saying I wasn't.
But you are as much the villain as you portray me to be.

(This post more than any other is particularly villainous.)

Also, if you wanted to get stuff out of your head, you could just write me - like how I'm writing you now.

(Oh, hell no... then I would probably get even MORE emails...)

I could be like you and paint my own view of reality and make you look cruel and crazy and like a really rotten person.
(You already have...)

I could write all about you in my blog.
(Been done.)
I could make a website about you.
(Done.)
I could write a book about you.
(And done... well, a passage, not an entire book.)
But the best way for me to get stuff out of my head is to write you.
You don't even have to reply. Just knowing I got something off my chest and told you the truth inside my heart is good enough for me.

You told me you wanted to explain to me why and how things aren't what they seem. I seem to want to do that with you.
I guess, from our own point of view, we're both right.
To you, I overreacted and was really mean later.
To me, you overreacted first and was coldly cruel later.
(I think it seemed like I overreacted, but, like I've explained, I had been under reacting to many warning signs before it, so all the reactions had to go towards one thing.)

I think it's interesting that we both accuse each other of the same thing... and the only thing I got going for me at this point is the schoolyard chant is, "She started it!"

(I can accept that.)

Though I did call you a "bad person" didn't I?
But I didn't give up and walk away from you.

(I like how "giving up" is so important to you. Like I keep saying, I didn't give up at first. I wanted to stop having sex. Maybe for a little bit, maybe for awhile, I couldn't tell at the time. I wanted to see how things progressed. But you couldn't accept that reality, so you went apeshit, and it was at that point that I gave up.)

I'm not sorry about anything that happened between us.
I'm proud of myself for not making a website about you, photos included, and forwarding the link to all your friends.

(Yeah, I've been chatting with the love of your life...I'm glad you didn't start emailing ALL my friends too. Just the one. I appreciate it.)

I'm proud of myself for never showing up at your house and acting crazy in person.
(Oh me too.)
I'm proud of myself for not trying to be the man I think you want and trying to kiss your ass. (I don't necessarily want my ass kissed. I just want people to do what I tell them to do.) And be fake nice to you. And pretend I don't still have anger and rage in my heart for you. (This is actually a good exercise. Sometimes we gotta bite the bullet and talk through clenched teeth, and with enough time, you realize that things aren't so bad.)
I'm proud of myself for only writing this to you.
And not going to my friends to show them how deluded you are ...as I'm sure you will be doing again with this email I'm now sending you. (Nope, didn't send this to my friends at all.)
Or maybe this email will end up on your blog (oopsies) and you'll disrespect yourself again by publicly disrespecting me and my privacy.
(Am I disrespecting myself? Is it any of your business if I disrespect myself? As for disrespecting you, like I said, none of these people know you. Get over yourself.)

I don't know.
And ultimately, it doesn't matter.
Besides, when we publicly tear down people, we're really just tearing down ourselves. Like Booker T. Washington said, "You can't hold a man down without staying down with him."

(I know...believe me, I know... I know I shouldn't post any of this..but, again, it's really entertaining.)

As for the "green-eyed monster" and why I felt it, aside from my own insecurity... well, I've given it a lot of thought. And it's because you're a lot like me.
(That doesn't really make much sense.)
You seek external validation not just through the positive words of your friends... but through sex.
(I barely even had sex for the previous months before you...and, we all seek validation from our friends... THAT'S WHY THEY'RE OUR FRIENDS!!!! Common goals, interests, lessons, all that...and why wouldn't friends talk about a relationship one of them went through? As far as the emails, well, it's the same reason as to why tabloids are so popular...simply fascinating.)

Your (networking site) page and status updates talking about your lesbian adventures are a good example. (I practically wrote them for you. You really should stop looking at my page...)

It's funny how you're heading towards women. Women are emotional and most just aren't about sex.
Remember, you called us lesbians at one point.
But you're not ready for a relationship.
So breaking the heart of the next woman you have an intense sexual relationship, well... that's probably not a good idea.
(Dammit!!! And I had my heart on that..)
And trust me, a scorned woman will act a lot crazier than how I've been.
(Hey..speaking of scorned women...have you checked out my blog? This one, I mean..)

I would tell you to stop having sex until you get your issues worked out so you don't break anymore hearts.... but I know you're not going to stop having sex any more that I will. Because like me, you get external validation through sex.
(It's also very important that I'm "like you" isn't it? We certainly have comparable qualities, but we are still very different people. What works for me may not work for you. I don't know what works for you, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to try it.)

By the way, I'd just like to say that it's interesting to me that you wondered what would have happened if I had "pretended" to be your friend.
Is that really the type of friend you want?
(Beats the fuck out of this.)
Isn't it more meaningful to know someone and know everything they say is the truth - and they're not just saying something to be nice, or to sleep with you.
Do you have any friends like that?
(All of them. Believe me, my friends aren't nice at all, and they refuse to sleep with me. Assholes.)

I still hate you for what you did. And I still love you too.
And I've given it a lot of thought after I sent that last email to you... and I don't know if I want to be your friend.
Because you do to me what I do to you.
You remind me of all the things about myself that I hate.
It's funny how when we both met we were amazed at how much alike we are.
Little did we know.
But we are different in that I wouldn't have disappeared into the next girl.
Unlike you, I don't just walk away.
I don't give up so easily.
I'm not a quitter, like you are.
(See? the "quitter" thing again..)
I believe I cared more about you than you cared about me - and that's why I wouldn't want to be your friend.
(Back to my baby crying for a lollipop thing...You don't give the baby the lollipop, then they learn that everytime they cry, they get rewarded. I really thought you knew this. It had nothing to do with "caring for me." You were mad that I wasn't going to have sex with you anymore and you lashed out. Hard.)
Besides, I think you try to maintain friendships with the ex-lovers you've dumped so you don't feel so guilty about being an ass.
(The "maintenance" of these relationships is something that happened over time. We went through long periods of not speaking to each other. I got in touch with a few of them over these networky sites, and it's been great having them in my life again. They're great people. Probably why I liked them in the first place.)
And no, we won't cross paths on some comments section somewhere. Because if you leave a comment, I won't be leaving one. And I'll unfriend/unsubscribe anyone you leave a comment to.
And no, I won't ever be going into the Wynn ever again. I don't ever want to "co-exist" with you in the same space.
(This email started out so much nicer than this...)

Whenever I think about you I'm filled with anger and sadness and a little pity for you. (No need to pity me. Save the energy for your rage.) I'm filled with rage and betrayal.
I'm filled with hatred.
And of course, I logically realize most of it doesn't have to do with you.
But a little does.
Enough of it does.
So aside from venting to you in this email, I won't be focusing on you. And will be avoiding you as much as possible.

You didn't realize how much that "tro comment" would hurt me because you didn't realize how much I cared about you and how much I was hurt.
(Nooooooooooooooo... I didn't realize how much that tro comment would hurt because I didn't realize how much of a baby you are.)

You are much better at suppressing your pain than I am.
Do you take antidepressants?
If so, you should stop.
And you should stop getting high. (Word.)
Just go cold turkey on everything that suppresses your feelings of pain and sadness.
Because we need pain.
Pain instructs.
(Does it instruct to send incessant emails? Cause if so, I'm going to keep doing them.)
And maybe if you let yourself feel pain, then you wouldn't behave so callously and treat your lovers as so disposable. (Oh, maybe..just maybe..)
You shouldn't ever let anyone be careless with your heart. (I don't.)
But you should never be careless with the hearts of others. (I wasn't.)
So try to cut back on the sexual validation.
(I WAS BARELY EVEN HAVING SEX FOR *MONTHS* BEFORE YOU.....)
I like to fuck even more than you do, remember, I'm "insatiable."
Try to treat people more kindly and maybe volunteer or something.
Like me, you need to do more things that will help you find more validation from within.

I mean well here.
So consider this one of the last attempts of nobility from a heart that you injured.
(Ah, yes, let's point out that *I* injured your heart again.. It's important..I should pay attention to it..)
I only mean to give you a window to truth. Obviously what I say is colored by my own preconceptions of reality, but there is a grain of truth in all that I say. Just like I know there is truth in what you say.
(Don't believe a word of what I say. I'm "lollapalooza".)
I know you're not asking for my advice. And it's probably not welcome. (Exactly) But as much anger I have for you, I also have love (you can't hate someone you don't care about).
(That's true. Taking advice from someone who admittedly hates you usually ends well. I read that somewhere.)
And I can picture you when you're 50. And your looks have gone.
And you've been through another thousand lovers (I'm low-balling it). (Well, let me hit the first thousand...) And you've left most of them... except for the ones like you who just used you for sex and left you first.

I can't imagine how you would feel about yourself at that point.
But you can't keep deluding yourself forever.
You can't just keep avoiding the pain inside yourself or it will grow.
Just look at how you're always the one to break up with people.
Look at how they're always too clingy.

It's not other people.
It's you.
(This is so funny. I just said this to someone the other day. No, believe me. I'm learning it. I TOTALLY get that it's me. I just attract these...people...)
We create our own reality.

I must be afraid of being cold and callous - because that's what I attracted. (Duh...your mom...I don't necessarily mean that like "your mom"...but check out your mom.)
You must be afraid of being needy and getting heartbroken - because that's what you attracted. (Needy mostly. I didn't attract heartbreak. My heart did not get broken. You're projecting agaaain..)

Maybe you should let yourself need.
I'm glad my heart broke.
Because it meant I opened it enough to trust you to give it to you.
That takes courage.
(Not really... you said, "HERE!! YOURS!!! NO GIVEBACKS!!!!)
There's no way to find real love if you never totally give the other person your heart.
(You gave me words. I don't feel that any heart was given... you sure did fuck me a lot though... so if that's what you mean...)
You said how I give too much.
But I say you don't give enough.
(Specifically...I didn't give YOU enough. And, again, I'm gonna say I made the right decision.)

*********************

Now, I responded a lot more here than I did to him. My actual email response to him was "Fuck you."

And now, I brace myself again...He'll either come back with more venom or he might try to be friendly and analyze me further.

And, yes, you guys, I TOTALLY know I should let it go. I've been trying to let it go for a month now... I think I like the attention...

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