2008-11-21 ~ 6:51 p.m.

'Ello! (Tap Tap Tap!)

Alright, let's get serious.

I haven't updated much. I was too busy out there "livin'". Now I gotta sit here and think about everything I've done.

It's not pretty, you guys... It's not pretty.

FORTUNATELY for you, however...very amusing...jerks.

Speaking of jerks, I am SUCH a one. I've learned. But, I have gotten falling in love, having him fall in love with me, and then ruthlessly breaking his heart streamilined into one romantic weekend. I should start charging. Oh my fucking god, I really should start charging. I am a really good time. Up to the broken heart part.

But, honestly, (I swear!) I don't really break their hearts. I've perfected the "it's not you, it's me" conversation so that they don't end up hating me. I hate it when people hate me, on the most part, and there doesn't need to be that much more negative energy in the world.

I've gotten really good at "letting go" this year. Too good, really. I've heard it called "running away". I call it "running away because I realize a lot faster how fucking crazy you people are and I already got plenty crazy to handle on my own without yours thank you very much".

ToMayToe, ToMahToe.

I realized something yesterday, though. I need a woman. Sure, we've always talked about me being all bi and whatnot (I love it when people say, "whatnot" don't you? It always seems to be from people with an ebonics accent, such as myself occasionally from being part gay man not black woman as I had formerly thought) , but I need to be a lesbian. I need to live a lesbian lifestyle. I need to get a Uhaulin' with someone but QUICK!!

So, here's the issue. I don't want to live with anyone, and lesbians, and don't take this personally, my lesbian friends, but as a group, I just don't connect well with you. Sure, I don't mind visiting every now and then, but the movies are really awful, and I'm not a big "crafts-y" person.

And the issue with men, quite frankly, is I don't know what the fuck. I just don't feel that men are treating me the way I think I deserve to be treated in one respect or another according to some undetermined, making it up as I go along list that I have all figured out here, you see. It's very Chandler-esque. There's just always somethin'.

My other option, of course, is to not date anyone at all. Fascinating. It sounds fine and good until I start going into heat. Then I'm suddenly spending hundreds of dollars to be a member on some bisexual website meeting all kinds of people (because I'm really cute) and even making plans to meet some of them because I can't say no to people, only to flake out and disappear. No, really, I do this. I have no idea why. I met one lovely female this round. She's 18 years old. And even though that sounds incredibly hot, SHE'S 18 YEARS OLD!!!!!

Of COURSE, I thought about it, but, no, I couldn't. Could I?

So, for right now, I am not dating anyone. Yep...sex free for 5 whole days now. I'm doing fine and feeling hopeful for the future. Talk to me in 3 weeks. It would be 2 weeks, but that will be "that" week, so by the end of week three, I'll be on the prowl. Woe is the man whose scent I pick up.

I just made out the list of those whose, erm, ahem, "life I've changed" this year. I had to make out the list because I kinda sorta couldn't remember them all off the top of my head. The number may or may not be more than or less than about the number of a baker's dozen, but I stand by the argument that I did find a moment to love each and every one of them from every fiber of my being. Except for one. He really was a one night stand...but even that was actually a 2 night stand. He was a player at my table. I don't usually do that, but he was super cute, and I could. (proud grin) :) Hi, Todd From New York! I like the way he subtly let me know that he loved Vegas because everyone's just looking for a good time, right? I was so sure he was "The One" before that...

I have more to say, but Ghost Whisperer is on. Oh, shut up!

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