2006-11-13 ~ 3:32 a.m.

Can It Be?

I remember back in the day when I would get my weekly stats and see how many had come to read my blog, and I would get all excited, thinking things like, "ME! People have come to read all about ME!" And I would feel special, and I would have fantasies of grandeur thinking that people really cared about me and my thoughts and how I thought of Things and Stuff.

That went much by the wayside pretty much around the time The Hubby and I separated earlier this year. Even after we got back together, I didn't really feel the need to get myself together enough to bang out a decent update. I mean, seriously, who the fuck would care? Who the fuck cares now?

Exactly.

But, unexpectedly, I have felt a loss. I feel like I've lost a piece of myself. I feel like something is just missing. The worst part is that I occasionally go back into my archives and read a couple of entries (which I know most of ya'll are prone to do too) and I read some of my stuff and I think, "Wow. This is good. I mean... some of it is really good." I'm not a particularly self-admiring person, I can't take a compliment for CRAP from other people and absolutely not from myself, but when I read my old stuff, I don't even feel like it's me. Someone else wrote that. Certainly not me. I can barely string 4 words together, and you can forget about a compound sentence.

It seems that what I've been focused on doing for the past 8 or 10 months, maybe the past year is rotting my brain. Teevee. Lots of teevee. Ya know, come to think of it, this might have started when we got our Tivo.

DAMN YOU TIVO!!!

So that's why I have been lacking updating. Serious amounts of bad teevee taking up my time. I make the excuse that I am "researching" and seeing what people in the comedy world are going for when I finally get my shit together and get back onstage to do that stand-up comedy thing that I did briefly last year. However, I think it's time I stop lying about it. I'm addicted to teevee. Sure, I always have been, but it's just gotten so much worse.

I've given myself ADD.

So now what? I don't know exactly, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to start writing again. I guess I don't really have a choice. I gave myself the ADD, and I can take it back, goddammit.

Anyway, good to see ya'll again.

Like I said last entry, "McRib is back."

{ previous ~ next }