2006-06-17 ~ 3:21 p.m.

I'm Wired Wrong

I talked to my mom the other day. She asked some personal questions about The Hubby and me, and I was kinda short with her, as is my way with her. And she came back with, "You don't think of me as a friend you can talk to?"

To which I responded after a pause, "No. No I don't."

Here's what happened in my head during that pause...
"Have we ever been friends? Have you ever once even given a shit about what I was saying? Have you ever been there when I needed you? And I mean emotionally and not financially, and even financially, there was only that one time...besides raising me, of course. Anyway, ONCE? Have you been there ONE TIME?? And not just been on the phone dispensing with your CRAP advice, but actually LISTENING?? ONE TIME? ONCE? EVER? ....... and the answer is 'No.'"

And I would tell her this, I really would, but then the conversation would somehow end up with me being "selfish and spoiled." And that may be, but she really should take all the credit for it. She's so humble.

Anyway, after me stating how, no, we were not, in fact, friends, she went on to tell me about a friend of hers from work who had died in a car accident, and that she sees the crash site everyday on her way to work.

Did you notice how she completely avoided my issue to move onto issues where I should feel sorry for her? MAN, she's good.

I mean... if your daughter, your own flesh and blood, the child you raised with your blood, sweat, and tears told you that the two of you are not people who hold each other's hands or cry on each other's shoulders, wouldn't you have addressed it?

I mean, I don't know, I'm asking. What do normal people do?

So, in response to her friend who had died. I said, "Ah. I'm sorry. Are you still talking to your sisters?" Yes, I call them her sisters and not my aunts because that's how close I am to the family. And she said, "yes, do you think they would understand something like this." I said, "I don't know. You could try. Alright, I gotta go. I hope you have a good night."

On the flip side, astralounge.diaryland.com, who I've never even met recently lost the love of her life, and I cried over that.

Life is so weird.

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