2005-12-21 ~ 11:24 a.m.

I Think Santa Tried To Molest Me

On AIM, they have a Santa Clause chat bot.

Yeah, I have that kind of time.

Prin2131 (11:18:59 AM): what am I gonna get for christmas?
SantaClaus (11:18:59 AM): Hey. Welcome back. You getting in that holiday spirit?
Prin2131 (11:19:03 AM): not really.
SantaClaus (11:19:03 AM): Mm hm.
Prin2131 (11:19:16 AM): should I be?
SantaClaus (11:19:16 AM):
Not unless you check with your parents first.
Prin2131 (11:19:26 AM): That's a really weird thing to say.
SantaClaus (11:19:27 AM): Yes!!
Prin2131 (11:19:55 AM): That's true, knowing that you're weird is just a step to enlightenment. Some of us are just meant to be weird!
SantaClaus (11:19:55 AM): Whoa! Ho! Ho! slow down there! That's quite a lot for a man of my age to wrap his head around. Would you mind trying some shorter questions?
Prin2131 (11:20:06 AM): Oh, Santa!
SantaClaus (11:20:06 AM): Alright now. I'm here to spread Christmas cheer -- so use this time wisely and type carefully. Here's quick way to get in the Christmas spirit; type, menu.
Prin2131 (11:21:03 AM): Um, Santa, my mom told me I'm not supposed to type "menu" with people I don't really know...... but you are Santa.... I guess I can trust you, right?
SantaClaus (11:21:03 AM): Now, now... That's simply just too much for elves and me to understand in one go. Could you try asking something a little shorter?
Prin2131 (11:22:29 AM): You mean, like, ask you about "typing 'menu'"? HUH? Is that it!!! You PERV!!!
SantaClaus (11:22:29 AM): That's simply too much for me. My eyes are tired. Can you ask me something a bit more manageable?
Prin2131 (11:22:58 AM): Oh yeah, I'll BET your eyes are tired!!! FREAK!
SantaClaus (11:22:58 AM): Excellent.
Prin2131 (11:24:12 AM): Oh, you can't blow me off that easy. The authorities WILL be notified on you trying to get kids to type your freaking "Menu"- whatever that's supposed to mean!
SantaClaus (11:24:13 AM):
Would you mind trying to keep you questions to one sentence. I've got the entire world to visit and I'm running out of time.

****

Asshole.

I had two "This is what's wrong with Christmas" articles to share with you, but I've had to turn my computer on and off since then, and I don't really remember where they were, and I'm too lazy to go looking for them now.

Here's the basic gist...

There was a group of, like, 40 people dressed up as Santa. They were, of course, protesting the overcommercialization of Christmas, so they were rioting and looting until someone got arrested. One convenience store clerk said, "They came in, said 'Merry Christmas' then started to help themselves to what they wanted. Also in the article, it mentioned how they couldn't really say that in one person did a particular thing because they had costumes on.

Now, Cathy Ray, do you see how that wouldn't have been as effective if they would have done that in the privacy of their own homes?

But that's what's wrong with Christmas. People are moved to do stupid ass shit like this. What did the convenience store clerk do to you? He doesn't even sell Christmas gifts. The poor guy makes minimum wage, putting up with 1000 people a day coughing in his face, asking for cigarettes, and some assholes in Santa's outfits come in and wreck the place, which he'll probably have to clean up...maybe he'll get to work overtime.

So that's messed up, but the really messed up one was the article I saw about "Santa Wars".

Well, I went and found this article again... SANTA WARS.

So, like, these guys from around the world compete for the Santa crown. They have reindeer sledding competition, chimney climbing, swimsuit competition. (See, I just made that last one up because I thought it was funny because it reminds one of "Miss" pageants, and, if you wanted, you could take it further into the world of pageantry and even child pageantry, but I don't have that kind of time right now.)

Ok, but here's the thing, the reigning Miss Santa is all pissy because he lost, and he lost to someone that technically lost the sledding competition to him but had gotten extra points for falling in a "Santa-like fashion." Ex-Miss Santa is certain people are "out to get him" because, really, that's the Spirit of Christmas-who can be the best fucking Santa....whatever..

So, yeah, those are more reasons why I really, really don't care much for Christmas.

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