2005-12-15 ~ 6:51 p.m.

11 Days

I really would swear that I put up an entry, like, 3 days ago TOPS. But, no, 11 days. That's a little amazing to me. But it does explain why I have so very much to share today.

First off... THIS made me laugh muchly. I ganked it from Golf Widow (who I always typo Gold Widow) who ganked it from Dave Feldman who ganked it from someone else. But back to THIS which made me laugh because at first I was all, "I don't do that... I don't do that...oh, yeah.. umm... I do that... hmm... didn't think anyone noticed."

Secondly, I saw the most amazing movie the other day. Well, amazing to me. It's called "What The $#(% Do We Know?"

What indeed.

This movie brought so many things together in my head. It's a story of enlightenment brought to you by quantum physics. It take the laws of physics and sprinkles it with mysticism. It took everything I knew and turned it just a little.

I don't know what else to say about it. I *could* say that it will totally change your life. But it might not. Not anymore than a book from His Holiness the Dalai Lama (who, by the way, pretty much spreads the same word.) You can check out the website for yourself, HERE.

I really hope that it can change your perspective (if you need a change), and if not... might I suggest THIS. (I super extra promise it's not one of those "stare at this and you'll see something-but really you stare at it and then something really loud and annoying happens".

As I was watching the news the other day, they ran a story of a family in New York who has a display of a Santa wielding a bloody knife, holding a doll head in the other hand, and a tree full of decapitated Barbie dolls. You can read the story here, HERE.

Basically, the family is protesting the commercialization of Christmas. (Just like we all do every year but more creatively.) Anyway, my local news anchor decided to add her own commentary to the end of the story.

First, let me mention that she annoys me in the first place. She's one of those anchors that NO MATTER what the weather has been, she always, always, always complains to the weatherman, "Give me some good news, for once." It's always too hot or too cold or too rainy or there is not enough weather. Anything that's based on opinion that falls out of this woman's mouth is annoying at best.

So, after a bloody Santa story, my news anchor, Mrs. Cathy Ray from the NBC Las Vegas affiliate, says, (I don't remember the exact words because I was too busy picking myself up off of the floor afterwards) "I don't mind if people protest, but they should do it in the privacy of their own homes. We shouldn't have to see that."

So I told her...

Ms. Ray,

I think you excel as a fact reporter, but when you decide to add commentary, I never find it to be very well thought out. In fact, I usually find it annoying. Today was no different. The only difference being that I have been moved to e-mail you.

I'm responding to your own added commentary after the story of the New York family who are protesting against the commercialization of Christmas.

Your comments such as, "protest privately" and "it's ok if you want to protest, but do it in your own home" are absolutely ridiculous!

Would it occur to you that maybe some of us would want you to celebrate in your own home? Perhaps there are some of us that would want you to "celebrate privately".

Don't you see the reason of their protest? The idea of ANY protest is to make you think, and instead of thinking, your response was "they shouldn't do it where I can see." You, a REPORTER, and I would assume an advocate of the freedom of speech (and therefore, freedom of expression), saying that people who don't feel the way you do should exile themselves instead of making their stand.

Here's a point, what would your comments be if those decorations were put out during the month of Halloween instead? Would you have even noticed?

I'm sorry to bring reality to your Christmas season, but there are some of us who are SICK of everywhere we look after Thanksgiving being completely saturated with red and green, holly and mistletoe, wrapping paper and ribbons, trees, trees, trees.

I don't even think of Christmas, instead I think of all the gifts I have to buy, all the arrangements I have to make, all the cards I have to fill out. I don't even believe that Jesus was the Lord and Saviour, but these are the things that society has required of me during this time of the year. I think that's the point they are trying to make. I think that is the point that you missed entirely.

You don't have to agree with me or them, just disagree in the privacy of your office.

She responded. And it's so boring I almost don't want to put it up here, but in the spirit of investigative reporting, I want to give you the full story.

Point well taken .. But, don�t you think a bloodied, knife-wielding Santa Claus with decapitated dolls hanging from trees is a little over the top??? I do appreciate your opinion and comments. Thanks for taking the time care enough to send me your feedback. Best Wishes, Cathy Ray

Which, I think is a nice way of saying, "I think you're wrong, but I have learned at this point in my career that there is absolutely no point in debating with someone via e-mail because you have no actual bearing on my existance."

So I answered...

Well, yeah, it's over the top, but it got national attention.
And isn't that the spirit of Christmas? :)

Hey, speaking of crap assed responses to my infinite creativity...

You all may be aware of This Commercial. The Carl's Jr. "milkshake" commercial. If not, go watch. To the side there, it mentions that the cow, "Freedom", is also one of the cows of "Real California Cheese" commercial fame. It ALSO states that for the Carl's Jr. commercial they used a prosthetic udder. And that's funny no matter how you look at it.

So I got a great idea. And I sent it off to the California Cheese people.

Here was my e-mail..

It has come to my attention that one of your cow, "Freedom" is now in a Carl's, Jr. milkshake commercial.

I read that "To do the commercial, they "added extra black spots were added to Freedom's legs, and a bigger, more prominent udder was created by a top, Hollywood movie prosthetic mask maker. "

So here's my idea...



"Look at Freedom over there. I tell you, Hollywood has changed her. Have you seen to what she's done to her unmentionables?"





"So, I have the biggest.....horns of all the bulls here."
"I once took another bull down in one blow."
"I'm sensitive to your needs..."



"I gotta find out where she gets her work done."



Great Cheese comes from Happy Cows. Happy Cows come from California.


Sure, you might get a rash of "stuff" from NOW, but I think it's hilarious.

Anyway, if anyone ever does at least an underground version of this, please make sure I get a copy. :)

*****

It's not polished, but you get the idea. I realize it's not woman "empowering" but it's really freakin' funny.

But, alas, they wrote back...

Thank you so much for your interest in Real California Cheese and our Happy Cows!! In response to your e-mail, we really appreciate your enthusiasm, however for legal reasons, we are unable to accept commercial ideas from anyone other than employees of our company & our advertising agency who creates the ads.

We are very sorry that we could not be of more assistance to you, and hope you will let us know if we can help with anything else!!

Thanks again & have a sunshine day!!

Moo to you....from the Happy Cows of Cowifornia!!

EFF you "Cow"ifornia bastards. Ya know what? I only buy Tillamook cheese anyway.

"For legal reasons". You all do realize that it has come down to this, right? Lawyers are stifling the creative process. We could have a perfectly, fantastically chauvinistic (I never think I'm spelling that right) commercial on the air.

And that's how it all is. I can't possibly hope to see my specks of creative genius dance across this planet until I get an agent. And god knows I never leave my house.

So, if you happen to know anyone who makes commercials for California cheese (even though I totally hate them now, and not because they didn't accept my idea but because they sign their emails "Moo to you....from the Happy Cows of Cowifornia!!") whisper this idea in their ear and let them think it was their own. It's a freebie. I got a ton more.

So, yeah, I guess that's why I haven't updated in 11 days. I've been busy finding enlightenment, fighting with the press, and trying to break into show business.

Until we make mind's eye contact again...

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