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Designed by Kris 'Destral' Wilke at Destral.net

My life is just so fucking awesome right now.

Sorry... but it is.

My friend said it best earlier this year (or end of last year) about how she was at the point of her cone, and how from here, she can go anywhere she wants to, she just hadn't figured out where she wanted to go.

I envied this a whole lot. Because, though, truly, we are all at the point of our cone at any one time, not all of us think that we can decide where to go. We just kinda go where the cone takes us.

She was excited because she was finishing up law school, about to take the bar exam. And that's exciting. It's a definite point in the cone of life.

Up to that point in my life, my point was never definite. I mean, not too definite anyway. My point was a lot more fuzzy (and grey!).

But now...... NOW I have a definite point. Everything has led me here, and there's nothing in the world that can take me down now.

Yes, I feel "karma" building up, I hear God popping his knuckles, thinking up a devious plan to take me down...but I am serious, it's going to take a lot more than blowing out my tires on the freeway to take me down. He better decide to start taking away limbs if he's going to try to take my spirit.

(I think if you are one of my friends that I physically hang out with, you might want to not hang out with me for a few months... I mean, just in case. There is some serious crossfire here that you can get hurt in.)

For one, I have an awesome job at the most awesome hotel/casino resort in the whooooooooooooole wide world. And the casino isn't open yet, so not only is it an awesome job, but I also get all the excitement of opening up a can of brand new casino for that brand new casino smell. And it's fucking AWESOME!

And AWESOME is the word. The place is huge. And beautiful. With asian/hispanic/botanical decor. It doesn't really have a theme (because vegas is getting away from that retarded themed shit) but it very tastefully combines cultures. A lot of it isn't even done yet. I'm not sure how they're planning to open in a week, but they're gonna do it.

Anyway, so this is incredible. Starting a new job is always incredible. I love new handbooks. I love how they're made. How they all read, "We're your friend. We're friends. You can talk to us. You can. We won't hurt you. Unless you're a fucking idiot. If you're a fucking idiot, then you're out. You'll know if you're an idiot if you do anything that this handbook tells you not to do." It's that easy.

But wait, there's more.

They don't want us fat either. Not only do they not want us fat, they even want us healthy. And I don't mean "healthy" like, "Holy COW, look at my ass... now THAT'S 'healthy'." I mean, they really want us to practice good health. Our employee dining room serves no fried foods. You can grab a sandwich....that's been wrapped into convenient half sandwich portions with no cheese, but tomatoes that have marinated in a delightful herb italian dressing.

And if you want to take a smoke break, you have to exit the building and walk a good 5 minutes away.

Isn't that fantastic? "You can smoke, but nowhere near here." I love it. I am SO glad I quit smoking. Cigarettes.

There is more to tell you about this place, but I can't right now. It's too much. I can only make you hate me so much at one time. I would like to savor your hate for me. Call me a masochist, but I want to enjoy your unbridled jealousy. I'm sorry, I can't help it, I have a problem, and I haven't looked for a 12 step program because.....why would I?

And that's why I'm so genuinely happy. Because all that up there ^----that's all really good stuff. I mean, really GREAT stuff. That's the best I've done for myself, and there are people in this world that will never do this well. Not bad for someone who never went to college... hell, it's not bad for someone who DID go to college. Not that I'm bagging college, I just understand my good fortune.

But, here's the thing...after I decided to be a stand-up comedienne, everything started to make sense. All the thoughts that go through my head, I finally realize that they aren't meant to be told to people one on one, they're meant to be told to many people in one room... who are drunk... and all looking at me....looking at me like I owe them money...waiting for me to say something funny....
I am SO glad I don't have social anxiety disorder.

So, what I'm saying, is that this whole "dealing" gig is my back up plan. My BACK UP plan has made me $45,000 a year for the past 5 years, and with the job I have now, I'll be making that MINIMUM until I retire from it.

That means if comedy doesn't work out for me, I'll still be able to go to the caribbean every year for the rest of my life. Because that's my real dream, do whatever I can to be able to chuck it all and go live in the islands. (But live well, cause some of those people don't have plumbing...)

I think the best of it all is that I have a choice. I think that's the main thing. I can wait for an opportunity to do comedy. I don't have to claw, snatch and grab to do anything anyone will give me. "You want me to drive to california and do comedy at some place called 'Back Door Comedy' for $100? Umm.... nope."

So there you have it. From the little town of Beach Grove, Indiana to the Las Vegas Strip! And I don't even have my own E! True Hollywood Story yet.

Oh, but I will.

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