2004-09-28 ~ 3:32 a.m.

Blackjack Is Icky-Boring Entry, Funny Punchline

Tonight was a pretty boring night as far as dealing goes. I just dealt blackjack from the shoe. If you're not familiar with what a shoe is, let me 'splain. Blackjack can be dealt either pitched at you, where the dealer is holding 1-2 decks in his hand and throws the card at you with style. Or, 4-8 decks of cards are put into a plastic "shoe" and the cards are dealt face up from that. I enjoy pitching the cards more because style and grace are involved, and depending on who is my supervisor and if I want to piss them off, I like to "accidentally" throw the cards off the table.

Speaking of which, one of my favorite things that people do when I'm pitching blackjack, and I do pitch one off the table: instead of leaning down and picking it up, people like to stick their hands in the air like I'm holding them up and go "I DIDN'T TOUCH IT!" Well, no shit. I wish you would. It would certainly help get the card back on the table.

Since I don't really have a story, I'll tell you what goes on in my head while I'm dealing.

I think worse than not tipping is not tipping and not knowing (or not using)basic blackjack strategy. It's one thing to be a newbie and not know basic strategy (that's a whole new animal that I'll get into some other time) then there are the people who play for real money that don't use basic strategy. They're usually asian. They think wearing jade and being born the year of the dragon is going to help them. (I can say that, as I am asian.) (Hey, C-Otter!! I just came up with the asian stereotype for our show!! You year of the snake, jade wearing mofo... :D)

But there is nothing more irritating than someone who you know is not going to tip you winning because of sheer luck. For example, this one guy stayed on a "12" against a face card showing, which is completely idiotic to begin with, but then I didn't have a 7,8,9, or 10 underneath, so I had to hit, and I ended up busting. What sucked even more is if he had hit, I would have made my hand and would have happily taken his money. So all I could think of was "stupid piece of shit motherfuckergoddammit.. damn damn damn." I think this a lot during the course of an evening.

Yes, dammit, when I don't like the person I like to win. Some people just shouldn't win. And if they are going to win, they should be at somebody else's table. :) Dealing is the major reason that my karma is not clean. I have impure thoughts all night, and not those sexy types of ones.

I saw something funny on teevee. There was a comedian that said, "When Las Vegans go to hell, they're just like, (looking around), 'Yeah? what?... Hey Satan, can I borrow a jacket?"

It made me feel a lot better about going to hell.

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