2003-04-25 ~ 2:53 a.m.

Icky Day

Yesterday wasn't particularly good.

I'll skip the details, but I got frustrated at work. I don't take criticism well. Not as well as I should, and I got very frustrated with a supervisor. And I cry easily too. So, I'm trying not to cry while my supervisor is talking to me (and doing a piss poor job). I just wanted to walk away from her, but now seeing me all blubbery faced, she's trying to make me feel better too, which makes me feel like even more of an idiot.

So, when I was finally able to walk away from her, as I was on the escalator to the break room, I decided that I was going to go into the bathroom and, ya know, beat myself senseless.

But then I realized that I was thinking this, and that surprised me. Everytime I beat myself, I always thought it was just on a whim. I never realized that I planned it. Not that a minute is a lot of planning, but I didn't realize I even thought about it for that long.

Kinda scary.

So, instead, I went to call Boyfriend, Rally Edition. He made me feel better. Most importantly, my knuckles and head are not bruised.

YAY PROGRESS!

It made me realize two things:

1. I probably am done with actually self injuring myself.

but

2. My struggle is FAR from over.

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